Just to be clear this is not an attack on neurotypical parents, it’s to help them see what we as Autistics can see and face daily in many groups on social media.
Also calling your child Autistic is a recognition of them it’s not a label.
“ My son knows exactly what he’s doing! It’s sheer naughtiness!”
“ My son has Autism but he’s not Autistic it doesn’t define him.”
“ My daughter has Autism but Autism doesn’t have her!”
“ Despite having Autism….”
“ I’m a warrior mom! I will fight my son’s Autism till the end!”
“ Autism will not win in my house!”
These are all phrases I have heard since the beginning of this month.
That’s seven days, one week of hearing parents externalise their children’s Autism and speak of it as an entity and the subsequent behaviours and frustrations as a choice their child has somehow made.
I am Autistic and I can tell you that it’s me entirely, every psychical reaction every thought every feeling is me. I am Autistic, there is no separating me from my Autism.
To hear people say “ You are suffering from Autism!” Is insulting.
To see on a post “ I hate Autism!” Hurts.
You do not hate Autism.
You dislike the behaviours and frustrations it causes you and your child.
You dislike having to deal with the subsequent sensory behaviours and shutdowns.
But you do not ‘Hate’ Autism, to say you do means you look on it as something that has invaded your child, has made it impossible for them to live a life you would have wished for them.
It’s not something that invaded your child.
You hate the aggression that comes from the frustration, the fact that your child can be happy one minute then the next minute cry.
They cannot always tell you why.
They may not have a means of telling you.
I have seen parents state their child is dumb and to intellectually challenged to understand!”
As they are non verbal.
I have seen parents question if their child can feel.
The answer to all these questions is unless your child has a subsequent diagnosis of intellectual difficulties and/or learning delays then they are fully capable of understanding you. Even if they have been diagnosed as such professionals often make mistakes if the child is non verbal. Give them the means to communicate be it signing, PECS, communication apps, writing or even drawing they can communicate and have a lot to say.
Yes your child can feel and more deeply then you realise, it’s simply that their reactions may show differently or maybe not show at all. They may not react for example to a death, they may laugh instead of crying. That does not mean they are not grieving, never think they are not feeling. Our reactions display differently, I’ve often laughed hysterically when I’m furious.
When you speak of ‘Beating Autism’ or ‘Winning against Autism’ you are speaking of beating or winning against your child, not the challenges they face.
Your child may react with fury as they are unable to comprehend losing at a game or hearing no, that’s not naughtiness that’s frustration.
Your child may have meltdowns due to sensory overload or frustration, you should never punish for a meltdown as it’s a complete loss of control that we cannot hold back, like a wave of anger that engulfs us obliterating conscious thought and causing us to strike out indiscriminately verbally or psychically.
The way to tell if it’s a tantrum or meltdown is if your child is looking for a reaction then it’s a tantrum, if they do not care if you are there or not then it’s a meltdown. No stop and don’t are trigger words in this situation as its insinuating that they could stop if they wanted to and believe me no one wants to feel like this.
Work with your Autistic child, not against them.